The Girl That Could Show Your Scars Series... Rebecca Elgin
"On Instagram I have abs, I travel the world, I cook good dishes, my husband’s a hottie… On paper it looks like a dream… It’s not as idealized as people think it is."
Rebecca Elgin is a fitness competitor, a foodie, world traveler and a home chef. But, like all of us, she's so much more than the person we see on social media. I invite you to listen to her podcast below:
After sitting down with me for her podcast, Rebecca sent me a follow up email with 3 pieces of wisdom.
1. "Never judge a book by its cover. Looks are most often very deceiving and you never know what lies underneath. A lot lies beneath my Louboutins and skinny jeans."
"I told my best friend the other day that I felt invisible - like a ghost. I can just imagine the look on his face - a raised eyebrow, a look of disbelief and bewilderment - as I know that no one would assume I ever felt invisible. Even my best friend wasn’t quite sure to believe me because I’m pretty, have a nice body, big boobs and hair like Ariel. I know I’m noticed when I walk into a room and I can work a room so well it rivals a politician. I can schmooze with the best of them and have a knack for remembering unimportant details about people that I can use in conversation to make them feel important. I’m 32, make six figures, recently started my own side hustle as well, happily married, travel the world and am bubbly and happy. Yet, I could disappear and leave a state and it would go completely unnoticed. Trust me - I’ve done it on more than one occasion.
My sense of invisibility was necessary for survival. What people don’t see is that I had to learn to blend in, be a chameleon in order to survive. What they don’t see is that I should be wearing one of those R rated labels you see on violent movies as a warning that I come with the scars of being raped, assaulted, homeless, nearly died off of drugs and oh, my college boyfriend who was much older than I was, deciding to buy me a fur coat as my college graduation present. Yet, it came with a catch - in order to receive the coat, it was in exchange for a blow job every day for a year. Needless to say, I decided I’m more of a leather jacket and rock ’n’ roll kind of girl instead of a fur coat lady and said F**k that."
2. "The truth makes people very uncomfortable but remember - that's THEIR issue NOT yours."
"Throughout my journey, I learned very quickly that my story makes people very uncomfortable. Back to that R-rated warning label, people really don’t want to know the dark and dirty. It challenges their existence and makes them question their own lives and choices. In my college years and late 20s, during the rare occasion I had girlfriends and therefore girl talk, the talk of boys and our exploits always came up. My sexual exploits are few, surprisingly low so I’m told and I always tried to avoid the topic but upon pressed as to why I didn’t sleep around, to get the girls off my back I finally had to say that I was raped - the mood quickly changed, the talk stopped and everyone immediately went to bed. I wasn’t invited back to these girl talk events. I had an edge that was abrasive."
3. "The 'what if' game is an utter waste of time, energy, and space in your brain. STOP IT."
"After having spent 32 years as a loner, whether by choice or forced, has given me a lot of time to think and reflect. When someone is brave enough to dive into my journey, I’m often asked if I regret anything. No, I regret nothing and nor would I change any of the bad things that have happened. I don’t play the “what if” game because it’s unproductive and it never really makes you feel any better. We’d like to believe it does but really, “what if I had never been assaulted?” — then perhaps I wouldn’t be as strong as I am today. The experiences in my life have made me who I am today and hindsight is NOT 20/20. Imagine if X hadn’t happened - what would have happened in its place? It could have been better or worse - we don’t know. But I do know that I’m resilient because of the pain. I’m strong because of the journey. I have hope because I survived. I have positivity and light within me because it’s all put me in a better place. "
Follow Rebecca Elgin on Instagram at @bexymgts. And be sure to give her a shout out for being so open + honest. The world needs more of her.